By:  Cheryl Tully Stoll

From 2006 Archives

Well, well, well. George W. Bush and friends have been monitoring my phone calls.  I certainly hope I’ve done my job as a good American and provided them with sufficient entertainment.

Boy, am I glad that I don’t cheat on my husband—or vice versa.

I am concerned however that if they run their phone surveillance as well as they run
FEMA, the CIA and the rest of government that they’ve probably missed something juicy.  So just in case, I’m going to copy all our phone records from our home phones and cell phones for the last six years and send them to The Whitehouse so they can double check and make sure that they have COMPLETELY violated our privacy and rights as citizens instead of just partially violating those rights. 

There are certain footnotes that I will have to include however.  I no longer speak with the person at area code 419, she couldn’t deliver Ohio for the Democrats, so what good is she?

If my employer is reading this, the phone call I made to the human resources department of that other company was just a wrong number.  (Oooops)

And in case my fellow Democrats are concerned, my friend in area code 407 has switched from an R to a D so she’s ok.

And members of the Peeping Tom Eves Dropping Taskforce, just in case you’re wondering, the calls I made to California and New Jersey the weekend after 911 were to see how my Persian and Lebanese friends were doing with all the anti-Arab backlash after the attacks.  Despite the stereotypes, both are American Citizens and neither are terrorists.

And yes, I’m sure you will notice that I screen some of my in-laws calls.  When you’re done examining everyone’s records you will see that I am not the only person in America who does this.

The 900 number was a mistake—all three times.  (Oooops again)

And yes, my husband and I do tend to enjoy take out food on occasion—so shoot us.  Mr. Cheney I don’t mean that literally of course.

And no, it’s not a mistake.  I have talked on the phone during almost every State of the Union Address the President has given.  If they check everyone else’s phone bills, they will probably find that is the heaviest talk time in America since nothing is on television during that time.  And when looking closely they will notice that the increased percentage of those talking on the phone during the State of the Union should inversely correlate directly to the President’s declining poll numbers.

If the administration truly wanted to help the American people, they would take all this newfound information and use it to enforce the federal Do Not Call list.

There is one benefit to this invasion of our privacy however; a complete scouring of all of our phone records will prove once and for all that we DON’T watch American Idol.

And as far as the comments that I have been known to make on the phone about this administration being completely inept, basically corrupt and morally bankrupt—I stand by them all.  This latest revelation just proves how right I was.

Copyright Ó 2006, 2008 by Cheryl Tully Stoll